Kaiju Reviews #8 - Gamera vs. Barugon

Honestly, this is much more Barugon's movie than Gamera's (it seems that they wrote themselves in a corner and couldn't find out a way to get rid of Barugon, so they shoe-horned Gamera in to kill him), but nonetheless, it still has Gamera in it, so it's considered to be a Gamera movie. But I digress, let's get on with the plot:

Generally, Gamera's still in a rocket... but it gets by a meteorite, which instantly destroys it, thus freeing Gamera. He flies back to the Earth and pissed as ever, starts destroying Osaka... but that's not important! Meanwhile, as we go through many subplots, there seems to be some kind of gem thingy (which is really a freaky-ass egg) that somehow wakes up Barugon (who certainly isn't confused with Godzilla's Baragon). And what do ya' know, someone ends up picking it up. Whoops. Barugon's powers are the ability to stretch his tongue out very far (it can also spray a mist that can freeze things) and shoot a rainbow out of his back ("Look, a Skittles commercial!"). Sounds pretty stupid, huh? But believe it or not, he's actually more intimidating than most of Gamera's other opponents. But back to business, Barugon arrives in Osaka and ends up freezing Gamera with his tongue, thus disposing of him for most of the movie. As Barugon wreaks havoc, the human populace attempt several tactics to get rid of Barugon. They all involve luring him into the water, however, since he can easily drown. They end up using both his egg and a diamond (seeing as he likes shiny things) to lure him into the ocean, but neither plan works. Eventually, though, Gamera ends up thawing out of the ice and after a brief battle, ends up holding Barugon down in the water, drowning him. Gamera then flies away... and then the humans don't attack the very monster that started destroying Osaka first and damn near obliterated Tokyo a year prior, despite the fact that he's perfectly vulnerable. Man, the Japanese army is USELESS. Get some more Americans down there.

SCORE:

3.2/5.0

Kaiju Reviews #7 - Gamera the Invincible

Seeing as I'm still somewhat frustrated at the last Kaiju Reviews effort, I'm taking a tiny break from Godzilla. In celebration of his upcoming DVD releases by Shout Factory, I'll move on to Godzilla's fiercest competitor:

GAMERA! As you can probably tell from the picture, Gamera's a giant turtle... what you probably can't tell is that he's a giant flying, fire-breathing turtle... yes, I meant it when I said "flying". If the flying part is any evidence to you, the older films are gigantic cheese-fests... although this one is definately one of the more serious ones out of the bunch (which isn't saying much). But before I start rambling, let's get on with the plot!

To start off, we have Japanese people in the Artic conducting tests... 'kay. But all of a sudden, they blast an icecap with an atomic bomb, freeing Gamera from his icy tomb. Unfortunately, he's really pissed off. As such, he destroys a Japanese research ship and heads towards Japan to wreak havoc (what has Japan ever done to him, anyway?!); but in an attempt to stop him, the Americans use explosives to knock Gamera onto his back, appearing to leave him helpless just like any other turtle... unfortunately, though, this isn't the case, seeing as he just flies away to Japan. Way to go, shitheads. In a semi-related story, a boy named Kenny had to give up his pet turtle, Tibby (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFN7WmmBc8k) because, um... he was getting too big, I guess... okay, maybe his mom's just a bitch. Meanwhile, Kenny is nearly crushed by a Lighthouse, but is saved by... Gamera? As we later find out, this is either foreshadowing at its best, or it's a complete fluke, because Gamera later starts to go on a rampage throughout the city of Tokyo (sound familiar, anyone?), possibly causing thousands of innocent people to die. Hell, he even deliberately sets many of the buildings on fire! Despite this, though, Kenny still cares for Gamera... more than a city with his own people being killed.

Kenny: A Perfect Role-Model for Everyone! :D

Anyhow, as Gamera is satisfied with the destruction that he made, he retreats. But thankfully, the government actually finds a way to dispose of Gamera, with the helpful guidence of... KENNY?! Oh dear, this will not go well. But somehow... it does. Awhile later, Gamera goes back to smash some more buildings, only to end up finding himself enclosed in a rocket enroute to Mars. Apparently, giant fire-breathing turtles can breathe in space, so he'll be just fine... but will he get out of that rocket somehow?! {To answer my own question: Yeah, he will.}

3.5/5.0: Enjoyable

Movie Mania #1 - Clash of the Titans [2010]

Sorry, no Kaiju Reviews today (I nearly finished a really long one and it deleted itself for no apparent reason, which really pissed me off). But this one still has a giant monster in it! That's good, right?

{WARNING: PLOT MAY CONTAIN EXTRA STUPIDITY}:

I won't try to reveal TOO much, for people who haven't seen it yet. Generally, Zeus has SECKS with Acrisius' wife, Danae, which makes her later give birth to a son and main protagonist, Perceus. Acrisius gets pissed, shutting his wife and the baby into a coffin and dumping them into the water. God, what a jerk. Perceus is then saved and many years later, he is finally all grown up... but unfortunately, the gods get pissed and Hades unleashed THE KRAKEN! He's one of the coolest monsters ever... even though he looks like a green Orga with tentacles in this movie:

Similar, ain't it?

Anyhow, Perceus goes on an epic quest with his trusty black pegasus (and somewhat useless allies), defeating creatures such as a giant Scorpion and even Medusa, before having a final showdown with Hades... but most importantly, THE KRAKEN! Ohhhhh yeahhhhhh...

Er... anyway, yeah, this movie was pretty good.

SCORE:

7.5/10: Enjoyable

Kaiju Reviews #6 - Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

Who could Godzilla's new mysterious foe be?!
He's probably the most Evil,
Menacing,
Vicious,
Diabolical,
Strong,
Indestructible,
Ugly--




... Oh, alright, it's King Ghidorah again.

Once upon a time, in the unfortunate land known as Tokyo, Japan, aliens (known as the Xiliens) arrive. It turns out that when Godzilla & Friends drove King Ghidorah back into space, he ended up flying to THEIR planet (Planet X). Generally, they want to borrow Godzilla and Rodan to defeat King Ghidorah (Mothra's in her cocoon at this moment) and in exchange, they'll give us a cure for all known diseases. Freakin' sweet! Naturally, they accept the offer, and the Xiliens ship off Godzilla and Rodan (who's also in the ocean... for... some reason...) to Planet X, to do battle with Ghidorah. Even without Mothra, Godzilla and Rodan quickly defeat Ghidorah with their combined efforts. After that, Godzilla performs the best victory dance ever (you'll have to see it to believe it):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMxrXMjPMcc
A happy moment indeed. But happiness does not remain for too long... it turns out that all along, this was a ruse by the Xiliens to take over the Earth (But then again, who DIDN'T see that coming?), because they don't have any water. It turns out that shortly after King Ghidorah had arrived on Planet X, they took control of him, dubbing him Monster 00 (which explains the title). Now that Godzilla and Rodan are on their turf, they put them under their control as well (with the Xiliens referring to them as Monster 01 and Monster 02, respectively, due to their naming system consisting entirely of numbers). As such, they unleash Godzilla, Rodan, and King Ghidorah to wreak havoc on the Earth. Geez... if they really need water THAT bad, couldn't they just borrow some from us? Well, anyhow, the monsters start their rampage on the cities of Japan (making wonder how there's actually anything left to destroy). All seems lost... and seeing as Mothra won't be coming out any time soon, Nick Adams saves the day! He and his friend... some-other-guy destroy the source that's taking control of the monsters, as well the Xiliens' spaceship. Planet X then decides to withdraw its invasion of Earth, as Godzilla and Rodan kicks King Ghidorah's ass again. King Ghidorah might as well be called "Puss Ghidorah" by now, because this is the THIRD time that he's retreated into space. Man...

SCORE:
3.2/5.0

Kaiju Reviews #5 - Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster

Here's another one, folks! And by the way, this film marks several milestones in the Godzilla series:

1. It is the only Godzilla film to be released in the same year as another one, Mothra vs. Godzilla (aka: Godzilla vs. The Thing (aka: Whatever they had going on in Germany)).

2. This is the first Godzilla movie to feature more than two monsters fighting at one time (it has 4).

3. It is the first of many Godzilla films where he battles a monster from outer space (particularly the titular monster, King Ghidorah).

4. Last, but most definitely not least, it is the first movie to feature Godzilla... as a hero (more on that later).

Now, let's get on with the plot! We're in for a wild ride here...

okay, a princess from... um... somewhere comes along and gets possessed by an Alien (Venus in Japan, Mars in the US). She then predicts that Godzilla (which is predictable by now) and Rodan (in a goofy-looking, almost Muppet-esque suit) will arise... and it comes true! They then have an epic battle to the death... and by the way, do you remember those two Mothra larvae that defeated Godzilla in the last movie? Well, the male one is dead (Or maybe not... http://tohokingdom.com/media/toons/toon_16.htm) and the female one is still only a larvae, living on the island. And what does she do about Godzilla and Rodan? ... Absolutely nothing. Meanwhile, as the Japanese government are crapping in their pants, wondering what the heck they're supposed to do, a meteor strikes the Earth (conveniently near Japan), and out comes... King Ghidorah: The Three-Headed Hydra--er... Monster! He then wreaks havoc on the Earth by flying around and... shooting lighting-bolts out of his mouth... yeahhhhhh... Anyhow, Mothra finally decides to get her lazyass off of that island, once she learns that King Ghidorah has arrived. As such, she travels a long journey towards Japan and meets up with Godzilla and Rodan, kindly breaking up the fight with them (and by kindly, I mean by spraying them both with silk). Once they both calm down, Mothra tries to convince them to join the fight against King Ghidorah... and both of them don't really want to. They both have somewhat of a vendetta against the humans (Godzilla claims that the only reason that he didn't like them was "unprevoked attacks", which means that this Godzilla was never a villan to begin with). Mothra then decides to fight Ghidorah alone. Amazed by her courage, Godzilla and Rodan end up allying themselves with Mothra after all, resulting in a somewhat unfair battle against Ghidorah (although 3-to-1 is nothing, compared to the battle in Destroy All Monsters...). With their combined efforts, the trio defeats Ghidorah, and like the puss he is, retreats back into outer-space, saving the entire Earth from destruction... although it won't be safe for long...

SCORE:

4.2/5.0